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Displaying results 11 to 11 out of 11
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Tuesday, 18-03-08 00:33
My name is Barbara and I am from Poland. I have done the Fr Bill retreat four times now. Previously I was doing a lot of bad things, chasing after boys and cheating them. I was falling lower and lower and I lost all self-respect. So, I simply stopped eating and then later I couldn’t sleep either. Eventually I was admitted to hospital, given medicines and referred to psychologists and psychiatrists who told me that I was suffering from depression.
I started therapy but I became even worse. I wanted love, but because I didn’t know true love, I was going after emotions and it was like an addiction; I needed stronger and stronger emotions so I began doing more and more bad things. I even started hating God for creating me. I believed that there was no light, only darkness. My parents were distraught and crying about me, but my psychiatrist told me that they were my ‘enemies’ because they were trying to control me so I found myself beginning to hate them too. I was considering committing suicide because I couldn’t see any other way to find peace.
A year ago my parents forced me to go to a Fr Bill retreat. I wanted to escape but the priest who was organising the retreat in Poland (Fr Thomas) was keeping an eye on me every minute of the day. For the first two days I was becoming furious as Fr Bill kept talking about God’s love – about that God who allowed me to suffer so much – but slowly, slowly the healing process started. I began to understand that I would not be able to love God without loving myself and other people as well.
For me, Wednesday was the most difficult day as I was crying all day. After preparation for a good confession, the next day I decided to tell God all my sins. At that point I realised that God is always knocking on the door of my heart, always waiting for me, that he is totally accepting of me as his child, that he always suffers with me and that he loves me completely and always. So, I invited God into my heart
I had not received the love that I needed from my father when I was a child but Jesus gave me that love in abundance. I had no respect for myself but Jesus gave me back my dignity. I had been suffering from deep depression. I was always anxious and afraid of everyone. I had no hope. But in Jesus I found true peace and deep joy and hope. Now I love Jesus and I’m ready to give my life for him.
This year I took fifteen people to Fr Bill’s retreat, including all of my family and a number of my friends. One of my cousins who came was a drug-pusher and he was always drinking and stealing from people. On the retreat he cried. He then phoned his parents and asked them for pardon. Now he wants to start a new life and he plans to take all of his family to the next retreats. He told me that if he had known earlier all the things that Fr Bill had taught on the retreat then he wouldn’t have made so many mistakes in his life.
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